Couples Therapy — Anjoli Aisenbrey, LICSW

Couples Therapy · Telehealth · WA · NV · MD · ME

You still care deeply.
Something between you has gotten stuck.

The same conversations. The same conflicts. The same distance settling in between you — even though you both want something different.

Most couples don't get stuck because they've stopped caring. They get stuck because the patterns running underneath the relationship are older, deeper, and faster than either of you. This work helps you reach what's actually driving the cycle — and shift it.

Request a Consultation Is this work right for us?

You can love each other, be committed, and still find yourselves circling the same conflict for the hundredth time. Still feel the distance growing despite your best efforts. Still walk away from arguments wondering how a small thing got so big so fast. This work is for the patterns your effort alone hasn't been able to shift.

Does this sound familiar?

Things look fine from the outside — but underneath, something is off.

You're both thoughtful. You're both invested. You may have even talked things through — repeatedly. And yet the same pattern keeps returning, and neither of you can fully name why.

The same fight, on repeatDifferent topics, same dynamic. You can almost predict how it will unfold before it starts.

Emotional distance you can feelNot in crisis — just quieter than it used to be. Something has gone unspoken for a while.

Difficulty repairing after conflictYou move past arguments without really resolving them. The residue keeps accumulating.

Lingering resentment or past woundsSomething happened that hasn't fully healed. It still shapes how safe you feel with each other.

Trust that hasn't fully recoveredMaybe from one moment, maybe from many small ones. The foundation feels less steady than it once did.

Loving each other, missing each otherThe care is real. The connection has thinned. You want to find your way back to one another.

How this work goes deeper

We don't just manage the conflict —
we change what's driving it.

Most couples work on the surface of their problems: communication tools, listening exercises, fair-fighting rules. Those things have their place. But when the same pattern keeps returning, it usually means something deeper is running the show — and that's the level this work is built to reach.

  • 1
    We work at the level of the pattern, not the topicThe argument is rarely about what it looks like. We trace the cycle underneath it — the one that keeps repeating regardless of the subject.
  • 2
    Attachment and nervous system matter hereHow you each learned to do closeness, conflict, and repair shapes everything. Naming it changes what's possible between you.
  • 3
    Real safety is the goal — not just better behaviorWhen the underlying dynamic shifts, you don't have to manage your reactions as hard. The relationship itself starts to feel different.

What the "cycle" actually is

Every couple has one — a familiar choreography that unfolds when things get hard. One reaches, one pulls back. One escalates, one shuts down. Naming the cycle is the first step in stepping out of it.

Why insight alone hasn't fixed it

You can both see the pattern clearly and still be inside it five minutes later. That's because these dynamics aren't living in your thinking minds — they're living in your nervous systems, in old protective responses that fire faster than awareness can.

What "different" feels like

Less bracing when a hard conversation starts. Faster repair when something goes sideways. The quiet sense that you're on the same team again — even when you disagree.

What we work on together

The terrain of couples work — and what it can reach.

An integrative approach grounded in attachment theory and Gottman-informed methods. The work is shaped to the specific dynamic the two of you bring into the room — not a one-size-fits-all process.

Communication Breakdowns

The conversations that keep going sideways — and what's actually getting in the way.

Recurring Conflict

The argument that keeps coming back in different costumes. Reaching the dynamic underneath.

Emotional Distance

The slow drift apart. Finding your way back to genuine closeness, not just proximity.

Trust & Repair

Rebuilding after rupture — whether one moment or many small ones eroded the foundation.

Resentment & Past Wounds

What's been carried silently, sometimes for years. Bringing it into the open so it can finally move.

Difficulty Reconnecting

Knowing how to reach for each other again after conflict, distance, or simply being too long apart.

Attachment Patterns

The relational histories you each bring in — and how they continue to shape the dynamic between you.

Building Secure Connection

Not just resolving what's wrong, but creating what you actually want the relationship to feel like.

How this differs

Surface-level coaching and depth-oriented work aren't the same thing.

Both have their place. They produce different kinds of change — and reach different parts of what's actually happening between you.

Approach A
Surface-Level Couples Work
  • Focuses on communication tools and techniques
  • Treats the content of each conflict as the issue
  • Works to manage and contain reactivity
  • Skills-based, often time-limited
  • Helpful for tune-ups and specific friction points
Approach B
Depth-Oriented Couples Work
  • Works at the level of the underlying pattern
  • Treats recurring cycles, not topics, as the issue
  • Engages attachment, nervous system, and history
  • Creates structural shifts in how you relate
  • Reaches what skills alone can't resolve
How we'll work together

A clear path — moving at the pace you both need.

This work asks both of you to show up with honesty and intention. When you do, change becomes possible — often in places you'd stopped expecting it. Here's how we'll begin.

1 — Consultation

A free 15-minute call to understand what's bringing you in and whether this feels like the right fit for both of you.

2 — Assessment & Map

We identify the patterns shaping your relationship and create a clear direction for the work ahead.

3 — Active Work

The core therapy — shifting patterns, improving communication, building safety and trust between you.

4 — Integration

Time to let new ways of relating take root, with check-ins as needed to keep the changes holding.

What this work requires

Both partners, showing up honestly.

Couples therapy isn't something one person can carry. The relationship is a shared system, and meaningful change happens when both of you are willing to look at your part — not just your partner's. When that's present, even longstanding patterns can shift.

Genuine investment

You're both in this because the relationship matters — not because one of you is being dragged along.

Willingness to look inward

The work asks each of you to examine your own contribution, not just point to your partner's.

Space for honesty

What hasn't been said often matters most. The room is built to hold it safely — for both of you.

Anjoli Aisenbrey
About your therapist

Anjoli Aisenbrey

LICSW · Attachment & Gottman-Informed Couples Therapist

I work with thoughtful, capable couples who are deeply invested in their relationship but feel stuck in patterns they haven't been able to shift on their own. My approach is integrative — grounded in attachment theory and Gottman-informed methods — and focused on reaching what surface-level work can't.

Licensed in Washington, Nevada, Maryland, and Maine. All sessions via secure telehealth, so you and your partner can do the work from wherever you are.

Read More About My Approach
Common questions

Things couples ask before starting.

What if one of us is more hesitant than the other?−
That's common — and worth naming out loud. Hesitation doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but it does matter that the more hesitant partner is genuinely willing to give it a real try. We can talk through this on the consultation call and see what feels honest for both of you.
We've tried couples therapy before and it didn't help. Will this be different?+
I can't promise anything — every couple is different, and outcomes depend on a lot of factors I can't see from the outside. What I can say is that a lot of couples work stays at the level of communication tools and behavior. The work I do reaches the patterns underneath those things: the attachment dynamics, the cycles, the nervous system responses driving the conflict. Couples who've found surface-level work didn't stick sometimes find this kind of depth-oriented work reaches what was missing.
Are we too far gone for this to help?+
Couples come in at many different points. Some are in significant distress; others are noticing a drift they want to address early. What matters most isn't how stuck things feel — it's whether both of you are willing to engage honestly. If the answer to that is yes, there's almost always something meaningful that can happen here.
Do you take sides?+
My default is to hold space for both of you and make sure each of you feels heard — even when you disagree. That said, if I notice a power imbalance in the relationship, I will name it. Staying quiet about a dynamic that's hurting one of you isn't actually neutral. My goal is to be fair, not to pretend everything is equal when it isn't.
How long does couples therapy usually take?+
It varies depending on what you're working with. Some couples come in for a specific issue and find significant movement within a few months. Others are doing longer-arc work on deeper patterns and stay longer. We'll talk about pacing and direction as we go, and you'll always have a say in it.
Do you accept insurance?+
Insurance does not cover couples therapy. Sessions are private pay.
Where are you licensed?+
I'm licensed in Washington, Nevada, Maryland, and Maine, and see all couples via secure telehealth.

Ready to find your way back?

You both still care.
That's the place this work begins.

A free 15-minute consultation is the first step. We'll talk about what's bringing you in and figure out together whether this work — and working with me — is the right fit for both of you.

Request a Consultation

Or reach out: anjoli@anjolicounselingservices.com · (253) 256-3010